"L" is For...

The Mary Cheney flap, minor and manufactured as it is, probably would not have gained any traction if John Kerry had used the term “gay” instead of “lesbian” in his debate remarks.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

What we also have, of course, is a deliberate failure of the GOP, so eager to shift the focus away from Junior’s calamitous debate performance, to address honestly John Kerry’s innocuous if pointed reminder that Republican base-pandering on gay marriage strikes not only at the unity of our country but at real people at the heart of the Bush-Cheney ticket.

Hypocritical lesbo-outrage spin fed to the sensation-hungry media by right-wing pundits for the next few days shouldn’t worry Kerry too much.

The real danger will emerge if the Republicans claim that Kerry has violated the tacit immunity of family members and matters to political exploitation, and Karl Rove obtains the necessary pretext and public/media acquiescence to unleash his predictable scorched-earth October assault on the circumstances of John Kerry’s first marriage and divorce.

But we’ll probably be hearing a lot more about Kerry’s unhappy marriage later.

For now, back to the “L word.”

For some reason, the term “lesbian” apparently calls to mind an active practitioner of the Sapphic arts, not just a woman whose sexual orientation is toward other women.

“Gay”, applied primarily to male homosexuals, doesn’t seem to have the same problem.

Say “gay” and heterosexuals think about show tunes, elevated fashion sense, and a carefree unwillingness to buckle down to the hard, sweaty work of procreative sex and raising a family.

Just like “confirmed bachelor”: not very threatening or offensive-sounding, is it?

Actually, it’s sort of patronizing, an implication that these drones lack the quickening sense of responsibility that full citizenship in our breed, kill, and earn society requires.

These terms let squeamish heterosexuals classify homosexuals as peculiar types with a confused aversion to sex as God and nature intended it, instead of people holding and putting into practice their own healthy, clearly articulated, and completely irreconcilable views of what constitutes proper and satisfying sexual activity.

But maybe “gay” is a better, less-loaded term for the discourse between homosexual and heterosexual world than alternate candidates like “sodomite”.

I think “lesbian” is supposed to fill the same space for homosexual women that “gay” does for men — a connotation-free identifier. After all, the premier homosexual rights groups all seem to use the term: National Lesbian and Gay Task Force, Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, the ACLU Lesbian and Gay Rights Project etc…

But to Middle America, Queen Victoria, and apparently Lynne Cheney the word “lesbian” is apparently synonymous with the unspeakable and well-nigh inconceivable - “muff munching” - and evokes extremely disturbing visions of sticky licky tongue and finger woman-on-woman sex.

If Mary Cheney is “gay”, maybe Lynne Cheney can console herself with the illusion that Mary and her partner are in a holy celibate partnership, hunkered down in some cabin on their knees praying for the strength to resist their urges until Mr. Right comes along.

Or they are going through a confused stage, sharing an apartment and focusing on their careers until the innate heterosexuality of these good, healthy, right-thinking girls expresses itself.

Or, if they are having sex, they are at least feeling very bad about it, relying on each other primarily for emotional support instead of tawdry physical gratification.

If Mary’s a “lesbian”, that implies she’s reconciled not only to her sexual orientation, but its routine physical expression.

Strait-laced families have a hard time dealing with the sexuality of their children.

And what if the sex those children are having is gay sex?

When Lynne Cheney hears the word “lesbian”, it no doubt conjures up for her the most unsettling, taboo imaginings of what her adult daughter does.

And the idea that a national TV audience is visualizing the same graphic, intimate images seems to have enraged her.

But when she hears the word “lesbian” she shouldn’t think of what she considers shameful or embarrassing sex.

She should think of her daughter, Mary.

Remember, Lynne…

…L is for Love.

Copyright 2004 Peter Lee

Peter Lee is the creator of the anti-war satire and commentary website Halcyon Days. He can be reached at peter@halcyondays.info.