U.S. Promotes Guantanamo Tourism

vintage satire from 2002
Peter Lee
October 6, 2002
The U.S. government is pitching America’s heavily-fortified compound at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to travel agents as “The Only Safe Place to Take Your Family”.

“American travelers abroad face the threat of at worst terrorism and at best hostile attitudes from indigenous civilians who find U.S. policy offensive” stated a U.S. Army spokesman. “Therefore, beginning with ‘Gitmo’, we are making our overseas facilities available to patriotic American families who want to see the world and still enjoy a secured, supportive red, white, and blue environment.”

Personnel at Guantanamo Bay are scrambling to spruce up the base and add family-friendly attractions in line with the new initiative. First up: “Terrorville”, a monorail ride over the base detention cages in which the “cast members”, as detainees are now identified, offer Americans a close-up look at the foreign menace.

Income from tourist operations also offers an opportunity to defray the immense costs of America’s forward military presence around the world, especially if private enterprise gets involved. Defense contractors such as Brown and Root and Wackenhut have already announced plans to operate tourist facilities and theme parks at Guantanamo and other U.S. bases around the world.

Tourist industry analysts cite the low operating costs attainable by using detainees and local civilians; the large captive audience provided by tens of thousands of bored military personnel with disposable incomes; and the immense market potential promised by the secure, armed encampments as “the ultimate destination resorts” in an increasingly dangerous, anti-American world as unique competitive advantages for “Club Shrub” as the George Bush Overseas Recreational Initiative is familiarly known.

Younger, ideologically-inclined tourists and honeymooners will be lured with “terror-tourism” packages that offer a view of anti-terror operations in exotic locales up-close accompanied by enthusiastic and experienced guides from the 82nd Airborne Division.

With reported surge in bookings at Guantanamo, the base commander is already talking expansion. “Don’t be surprised if we’re offering a Havana package next year”, he revealed.