Pledge of Allegiance Goes Global
Diplomatic commentators expressed relief that the international organization had been rescued from potential irrelevancy by an unequivocal acceptance of U.S. supremacy.
Around the world, nations scrambled for Anglophone specialists to lead their citizens in reciting the new global loyalty oath.
A tough new U.N. resolution lays out detailed stipulations for daily recitation of the pledge and promises prompt military action against countries in “material breach of execution, diction, or enunciation”.
The United States and the United Kingdom, as acknowledged guardians of the English tongue, will monitor compliance and supply the military muscle needed to enforce the sanctions. In a joint statement, George W. Bush and Tony Blair promised “strict but fair enforcement” of the measure.
In a pointed demonstration that lax and dilatory enforcement of U.N. resolutions is a thing of the past, a “Pledgekeeper” force streaked across America’s northern border for a lightning predawn raid on Windsor, Ontario.
After a brief firefight, three Canadian middle school students were detained for rolling their eyes and appending the sarcastic interrogative ‘eh’ to what a humbled Prime Minister Chretien admitted was a “formally blameless but patently insincere” recitation of the oath.
“We will see to it that the spirit as well as the letter of the Pledge is honored”, stated President Bush, announcing the success of the bloody incursion. “Anything less would be an affront to our American values”.
