Blair Offers U.K. as Target of U.S. Invasion

Peter Lee

January 9, 2003

Tony Blair has invited the United States invade Great Britain if the planned Allied assault on Iraq fails to materialize, informed sources revealed.

President Bush, seemingly unable to invade Iraq and unwilling to invade North Korea, is desperate for a successful war to sustain his political fortunes. For its part, the U.S. military, its readiness brought to a fever pitch by months of preparation and exhortation, is eager to be ‘blooded’ in a fierce military onslaught on a weak and despised foe.

In this crisis, Blair’s offer is a welcome and unexpected lifeline to Bush.

“Loyalty is Tony’s strongest trait”, commented an insider. “In Bill Clinton’s darkest hour, ‘Blair was there’. It is no surprise that George W. Bush, with his grandiose imperial ambitions teetering on the point of collapse, finds Blair in his corner.”

The brief but bloody military campaign is expected to inflict civilian casualties in the low six figures and stop well short of a nuclear exchange. “U.S. forces will be welcomed as liberators” opines an influential British think tank, if the conquerors depose Queen Elizabeth II and govern through a Quisling government led by Blair.

President Bush has not yet accepted the offer, stating that more time is required to build a dossier of Great Britain’s crimes against humanity and select appropriate targets for annihilation.

However, the offer of America’s loyal ally has delighted the war party in Bush’s administration. A T-shirt depicting the burning of Washington by Britain in the War of 1812 and emblazoned with the slogan “Never Forget” is already selling briskly in the White House gift shop.