Sun to Grow into Giant
Red Ball and Consume
Earth, Warns Cheney

Demonstrating the administration’s forward posture on identifying and countering external threats, Vice President Dick Cheney went public with a warning that at some future date the sun would consume its hydrogen fuel and expand into a grotesque “red giant” star that would consume the earth and other nearby planets before collapsing into a black hole.

“The threat is real”, stated Cheney, speaking on Meet the Press. “It cannot be ignored”.

Although some critics dismissed the vice president’s warning as “too vague and alarmist”, the astrophysics community lined up in support of Cheney’s thesis. “The science is on his side”, stated Idaho Institute of Science physics professor Norman Drake. Drake called for the government to fund a major defense initiative - “Call it Operation Enduring Universe” he proposed — to investigate the solar threat and develop suitable countermeasures.