President Reviews New
Uniforms for Iraq Inspectors
Musclebound models were outfitted in skintight superhero leotards “symbolizing the remorseless resolve and awesome power of America’s inspectors” by top fashion houses including Perry Ellis, Donna Karan, and Tommy Hilfiger and paraded for a panel of celebrity judges including Arnold Schwarzeneger, Paula Abdul, and Sinbad.
At the end of the show, the President bounded onto the runway to shake hands with the designers and models who “donated their services on such short notice for this noble effort.” Then as the sound system boomed Wagner’s “Ride of the Walkyries”, President Bush marched out of the building to U.N. Plaza at the head of a flying wedge of Super-Inspectors in technicolor tights raising their clenched fists and chanting “On to Baghdad!” to the delight of passers-by on the rainy New York streets.
The Ralph Lauren entry, a tradition-rich ensemble of red and blue spandex matched with a cape of swirling silver stars and a titanium helm and visor crowned with an awe-inspiring imperial crest, seemed to grab the President’s attention. He marveled at the functional features “X-ray vision to see through Saddam’s tissue of lies”, a utility belt “harboring the ultimate weapon of justice”, and a codpiece “impervious to logic” that Lauren had incorporated into the suit per the Pentagon’s specifications, joking “I wish I had one of these outfits in college. Come to think of it maybe I did.”
A host of corporate sponsors have already pledged millions for the right to have their trade and service marks displayed on this ultimate symbol of America’s unstoppable might. A nationwide high school contest to name the super-inspectors and choose a really cool, menacing logo is currently underway.
