President Blames Palestinians
for Sharon’s Weight Gain

Standing next to an obese and audibly wheezing Ariel Sharon in a Rose Garden press conference, President Bush called on Palestinians to desist “immediately and totally” from criticisms which, he asserted, are forcing the Israeli leader to over-eat to compensate for his eroded feelings of confidence and self-esteem.

“Words can hurt, and harsh language is one of the worst and most cowardly forms of terrorism” said the President. “They are striking literally at the heart of Israel” he continued, adding that the White House physician had tested Sharon’s cholesterol and it was “through the roof”.

“Yassir Arafat must bear the responsibility for condemning and stopping these attacks” stated President Bush.